Monday, February 15, 2010

Hangovers...How to End Them Quickly

"Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!"
~~Dave Attell

Yes. I am hungover. The mixture of alcoholic beverages + my current age + the rarity of these excursions = HANGOVER. Symptoms: rolling stomach, blurred vision, pounding headache, and general listlessness. And the ever present question, what the h.e.double l was I thinking? Well, I am here to tell you that I am thankful for HYDROTHERAPY! Yes friends, the course in hydrotherapy saved me this early morning and I am going to tell you how its done. ITS being the removal of said hangover.

First, and I say first because sometimes you have no choice, vomit.
Fortunately, I am proud to say that I managed not imbibe the amount necessary to achieve this first step.
Ok, on to step 2.

Drink a carbonated diet beverage, as sugar is the culprit for a hearty hangover, more sugar is never a good idea. If you can stomach it, swallow a couple of Aleve or buffered aspirin.

GO BACK TO BED AND SLEEP. (this is very important) the ratio of more time spent sleeping versus the potency of hangover diminishes by the hour.

Now, you awaken once more. Sip a cold glass of ice water. (depending on the severity of the H/O you may need to revisit step 1)

OK, you are able to stand. Bravo! This is when the beauty of Hydrotherapy kicks in. Fill the bathtub with hot water. strip down and submerge yourself up to the waist. The hot water will draw the blood you feel pounding in your ears toward the lower extremities. Trust me, this really works. Soak for a good 20-30 minutes, at least until you feel the water is beginning to cool.

After you have dried yourself and changed into fresh clothes (the kind you only wear on Sundays)sit down with an ice pack at the back of your neck for at least 15 minutes. If your pain persists, grab a heating pad and place in the middle of your back. Keep switching from ice to heat until your headache goes blissfully away. You see, pain receptors and temperature receptors run parallel to each other and only one can be activated at a time. You keep the temp receptors busy, the pain receptors shut down.

Well, I am in what I call Post-Hangover mode. So, i am shutting down this electronic journal and grabbing a bowl of Blubell.

Doctors orders, I swear!

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